Magic Banned per the PD Chief

The Aube Parish Police Department has released an official statement today to the press, indicating that they are taking an active role in reducing the current terrorism known to be spreading among the town by what is commonly referred to as “magical practices, witchcraft, voodoo, Satanism” and other such metaphysical channeling.

This comes to light after recently, the Parish has been plagued for days by an unexplainable Black Fog, not unlike smog, but said by locals to be the cause of hallucinogenic properties that when in contact, causes visions of nightmarish scenes upon the affected.

“The people of this community must be safeguarded against the misuse and abuse of spirit-channeling,” wards the Parish’s Chief of Police, Colton Vondrachen. Whilst it is long since believed that the Parish has a mystical nature, with many reported sightings of unexplained chaos in the past, the local authorities express frustration for cults, or the wayward teenager, that believes they can meddle with the sacred energies of this town.

“For quite some time now, the ethereal properties of this Parish’s hauntings have been out of the capabilities and jurisdictions of the law enforcement. But if those who try and tap into those energies chance the awakening of something far beyond our mortal comprehension, then we should do our part at making sure we reduce the risk. It is for the safety of the people of this Parish that we condemn the use of spirituality enchanted tokens and any suspicious activity involving ritualistic practices,” says Chief Vondrachen.

“You can do your part to help protect this town from demonic interferences. Report suspicious persons to the local authorities and remember that it is highly frowned upon to consort with mediums to any other world, other than our own.”

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That carnival is haunted, I’m telling you. Some buddies of mine went down there the other night and almost pissed their pants when they saw this THING dressed in all white. It had this super pale skin and to hear my buddies tell it, it looked like the damn devil took a ghost and made it in his image. You couldn’t pay me enough to go down there once the sun sets.

Supermoon over Aube Parish.

The biggest and brightest full moon in nearly 70 years will ve appearing on Monday night. This phenomenon can be observed whenever the moon is at the closest point in its orbit to Earth

NASA said this super-moon will appear 15 percent larger than the smallest moon of the year. Make sure to look at the sky and marvel at the moon there won’t be one that quite like this again until 2034. The last time the moon appeared in this size was January 1948.

The moon will be  221,519 miles away as it reaches its full-size Monday.

Full-moon has a reputation for causing some strange behaviors in some people, should your friends and acquaintances be a little on the edge right now it could be because of the current electrical issues in Aube or maybe you should look to the sky for answers.

 

Small Electronics on the Frizz!

Have you noticed your microwaves acting up? Dryers, washing machines, or TVs not quite working as they should? There is no explanation for these issues at this time but it would be advised to refrain from using those appliances if possible. Sparking microwaves could be a potential fire hazard, you washers acting out could just end up in flooding the apartment below you. Exercise caution and be aware of potential consequences. There have been reports that unplugging your small appliances might result in being shocked, the best course of action is to leave them connected and avoid turning them on. We will update you as new details become available.

 

Spotlight on Aube’s Citizens: Paul Harlan

After recent events, some of Aube’s inhabitants may have noticed one Paul Harlan in action helping out where it is really needed. His involvement was crucial during the spider incident a few weeks ago.

The Aube Crier has caught up with him and sat down for a brief spotlight interview introducing you to another resident of our small town. Now this publication has been delayed by the recent weather as so many things but we strive to catch up with our reports right away!

So today we introduce Paul Harlan someone this town can be glad to have on their side when things get hectic. Mister Harlan arrived at our meeting place soaking wet after having braved the rain, luckily there were towels on hand. After drying off and a good glass of wine he was more than willing to answer a few questions about himself and his life in Aube. Despite current circumstances Mister Harlan had a good sense of humor and was a pleasant conversationalist.

 

Maya Mathieu (M.M)

How long have you been in Aube Parish now and what do you think about this little town?

Paul Harlan (P.H)

I got here, maybe a week or two before the thing in the park with the clock tower. And wasn’t THAT a snafu? Honestly? This town is great, aside from the fact that even the weather is trying to kill us now.

M.M

Ah yes, I got here around the same time. And once things clear up and you could leave are you planning on doing that or sticking around to see what comes next?

P.H.

To be honest? If you’d asked me a week ago, I’d have said that I was going to bolt like a bat outta hell just as soon as my bike would go more than a mile and a half outta town. But now, I feel like the people in this town need people to help look out for it. Does that make sense?

M.M

Perfect sense actually, if you are the helpful type anyways. So you have been observed to be a bit of a ‘man of action’, what drives you to jump straight into potential disaster?

P.H.

Well, if I’m being completely honest with you? It’s mostly a case of ‘fuckitall’.” Seriously, though, once upon a time, I was a cop. Now I’m a bounty hunter. Putting myself into dangerous situations is what I do. That and cooking are the only things I’m actually good at. So, yeah.

M.M

A cop? Very interesting.What do you think you could grow fond of in Aube? Do you have any favorite spot you like to hang out at when it does not rain anyway?

P.H

You kidding me? I LOVE ‘Mudbugs’! Chance and Peaches are great guys, the beers not bad, and the crawfish et toufe… Seriously. Their STILL open, even with the rain. Wood burning stove and range, candle light… If you ignore the fact that sometimes the water comes up through the cracks in the floor boards, you could almost think you were at a romantic Cajun restaurant!It doesn’t hurt that far as I can tell, it’s the only restaurant in town. But that’s neither here nor there. I like to sit at my spot at the bar, last stool on the end just for reference, and just watch people go by. A beer, a bucket of bugs, and Chance and Peaches company. A man could spend a whole day in there and not even realize it. (Editorial Note: Mister Harland was VERY enthusiastic with his praise for his favorite haunt, a compliment to the proprietors.)

M.M

I must admit I have never been there, and I live so close and work well my office is downstairs in this very building. I’ll have to try it out. Most of the time I am at the Vault personallyThank you for your candid answers it’s just a small spotlight article but I am sure Mudbugs will love your glowing endorsement.

 

 

Umbrellas in High Demand

((Without electricity printing presses do not work, luckily there is an ancient Ditto machine and a very flimsy version of the Aube Crier has been produced and handed out after wrapping it in quite a bit of plastic.))

Aube Parish has been suffering from a prolonged bout of bad weather, in the last three days, it has seen several feet of rainfall causing intermittent flooding in some areas of the Parish.

The first day of this uncharacteristic weather started with a thunderstorm, but not even lightning managed to become truly visible through the wall of rain Aube was experiencing. It came to no surprise that after a few hours of this kind of weather the power in the Parish went out.

The second day saw no improvement to weather conditions. The warm rain from the day before refused to let up. Aube Parish Power and Utilities was unsuccessful in trying to restore power to the city, most of the transformers were drowning under a rising layer of water and could not be restarted. The swamp flooding became a cause for and the small river in Aube Parish is slowly rising over its sides. There were unverified reports of alligators entering the city.

Day three, today, sees no improvements to the current weather, power remains out and the storm is keeping Aube in its grip. The swamps are now completely flooded and there are concerns about a town-wide flooding.

At this point, it is safe to say these conditions will persist for a while.

It is advised to keep your doors locked, there are reports of vagrants and unlucky passersby’s that have attempted and succeeded to find shelters in unsecured properties, however, it is, of course, commendable should you open your doors and invite those stranded in the rain to wait it out in your home. Alligator sightings are now confirmed it is advised to stay vigilant and if possible remain indoors.

Attack on Aube Parish Park

Are Aube’s parks really safe? That is likely something concerned inhabitants are asking themselves after this last Sunday’s incident in another park in Aube Parish.

After a tense week in the once sleepy town inhabitants were maybe hoping for a relaxing Sunday, but that hope was dashed early on. Not only was it a rainy day, the entire city was nearly paralyzed under an oppressive feeling of dread. Those brave enough to deal with the weather and spend some time outside of their homes were not rewarded for it when during the late afternoon a monstrosity attacked.

The beast, which can only be described as a huge, bone limbed skeletal spider, announced itself with a loud commotion from the swamp. The noises it made were easily heard across Aube and brought out a few more onlookers, some in a rather questionable state of undress. Once the beast emerged from the damp, marshy swampland it charged towards the park in the middle of town, destroying several trees in its path by simply charging through them sending wood shrapnel in all directions.

By the time it reached the park quite a crowd had formed, a curse and blessing in disguise as it offered the beast more targets but also provided the city with more combatants. The monster announced itself with loud wailing and an acidic splash from its maw. The acid dissolved chunks of wood and bark from trees and left a mark on stone, however, skin did not seem affected by it. The creature was quite intimidating to behold, it hoisted its torso upwards by spreading those horrific bony appendages looking very much like an attacking spider, one that was as big if not bigger than a van.  It became very clear early on that the good inhabitants of Aube would not go down without giving the beast a good fight. At this time, I myself, had somehow become a target for the beast and it charged my way missing by a very narrow margin, another bystander was less fortunate and found himself thrown into a tree nearby.

The initial charge by the spider roused the onlookers into action. Several of Aube’s citizens threw their weight into the fight. Just like during the incident at the clock tower a wolf had found its way into the park and seemed more than ready to fight.

 

What followed after was the chaos of combat, several bystanders joined the fight attacking the spider with hands, teeth and claws. As Aube is known for its, at times, hard to fathom connections to the supernatural it came to no surprise that amongst those bystanders were some that seemed a little more than just human attacking with powers not easily understood. Of course, during the heat of the battle, there was no way of telling who wielded those powers that helped greatly to dispatch the beast.

 

The beast put up a formidable and gruesome fight, swiping at those that had been foolish enough to get too close, some were less lucky than others and found themselves in need of medical attention. All the while the creature chittered and spat its acidic bile at the inhabitants of Aube. The wolf attacked it from behind while the creature had been distracted with a man charging it and bashing the beast with his bare hands. A pillar of flame and other inexplicable phenomena were directed at the creature aiding efforts to bring it down.

 

Out of nowhere another combatant appeared, his speed and strength evident in his very actions, and ripped one of the legs clear off the spider, holding it in his hands as it twitched its last. A liquid that is assumed to be blood and other unidentifiable matter spilled from the gash where the leg had once been attached causing the beast to sway slashing wildly at whatever happened to be in its path. The same light that was witnessed at the clock tower incident a week prior was now seen spilling from the gash of the skeletal spider’s body. This was the beginning of the end for the monster, it tried to regain its footing but with one limb gone and wounds from various sources, it was unable to remain combative and eventually succumbed to its wounds. During the death throes of the creature a glowing blue gem fell from the body and shattered upon impact with the ground. It is unknown at this time as to what happened with the gem.

We at the Aube Crier understand that sometimes news from our small time is strange, we report on what we witness in the manner we see it, you can reach Maya Mathieu at the Crier to voice your opinions and concerns, they will be heard.

 

As always we will update the story as soon we have more information and maybe some scientific explanations as to what happened.

In other news: Man fought tree and the tree won, several times. The man was heard to have uttered ‘f****** trees’ during this encounter.

The Grateful Meds; Interview with Aethelu Twofeather

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Amidst Aube’s recent troubles today we would like to report a piece of good news and offer new and old residents a glimpse on one of the local businesses. We are going to start off our spotlight on Aube Parish’s with the Grateful Meds, your place to get alternative medicines and pot, legally.

Situated at the very end of Toulouse Street you cannot miss the store and its colorful signage. The walk there is well worth the trip too down some of the quaint little streets of Aube away from the busier French Quarter.

Arriving at the Grateful Meds we meet the owner, local business woman, Aethelu Twofeather downstairs in the shop part of her establishment. Like many stores in Aube this one has living quarters right above the showroom, giving the entire building a vintage feel. The old authentic décor is worth the visit alone. All of that combined makes for a very interesting atmosphere and unique shopping experience. greatful-interview_002

Shortly after arriving I am invited upstairs where we conduct the interview after taking a few snapshots of the store itself. Miss Twofeather is a gracious host and after being offered refreshments and a warm welcome to Aube we get right into the interview.

 

 

 

Maya Mathieu (M.M. from now on)

How long has your business operated here in Aube? Did you found it or take it over from a previous owner?

Aethelu Twofeather (A.T.)

Since the end of August, this year. I came down with the initial expedition to see about reclaiming this city from the swamp. I did most of the work refurbishing the building. With a little help, but it wasn’t in awful shape. I don’t think it was used for what I am using it for. Some sort of general store, maybe? Or an antique place. Lot of old furniture that was rotting away.

 

M.M.

That is very interesting. Were you already in this line of work before you came here or is this the first shop you have opened or worked in?

 

A.T.

Oh no, this is the first shop I have ever opened and owned. Since it was legal, I thought that offering alternative medicine was the best way to go. A lot just see it as a pot shop, but I offer a lot of homeopathic remedies too. Essential oils and the like. Or just a friendly ear and sage advice.

 

M.M.

Well maybe you should add oracle services to your list as you have already answered the next question too. So we can skip it and move on. What kind of clients do you see most often in your shop?

A.T.

Oracle, huh? I like the sound of that. If I had that though, I wouldn’t have done some of the things in my life I regret. Well, business has been slow since it is a new and small town. Rapidly growing. Not the usual types as you’d expect. Businessmen, cute young blondes, anything in between. I should say I also offer massages. Forgot.

 

M.M

You mentioned business is slow, have you noticed any change at all with the recent communications outage? Has it affected you and your store at all?

 

A.T.

I’ve had more customers since the phones went on the blink, actually. Doesn’t have much effect on my business, no. People tend to just wander in. I have noticed a steady increase in people having headaches though.

 

M.M.

The headaches do not surprise me, sadly. With all the things going on right now. Onwards to the next question, we are almost done I promise. Seeing that Aube is ever growing here is a question that might interest newcomers. Are you currently hiring and what kind of person and skill set are you looking for?

 

A.T.

I am in no rush, I promise you that. It’s nice to just sit and chat, or be interviewed. As for hiring, I sure am. I can’t always be at the shop, so when that happens a lot of the time I have to just close the door, and I hate doing that. Just need someone who is friendly, minor customer service skills a plus. I could use someone who is excellent at baking to help come up with some new edibles. Also to manage the stock I currently have. Anyone interested should come on by and chat with me. I offer good compensation, and some a very good health plan.

 

M.M.

Is there anything else about your store that you would like to impart on our readers?

 

A.T.

It’s not just a pot shop. Yes, I do sell cannabis, but I have just as much if not more in the options of other remedies. Natural stuff. Might be a little cliché, being Native American and all, but a lot of it really does work. Oils and things too. I have a lot to offer. Some of it is the stuff you’d find in a metaphysical store too. Granted, a lot of that is more for the tourists. But for those that do just want some weed, I grow the best in the state, hell, probably for several states in any given direction. I don’t judge.

 

M.M

Thank you so much for your time it was a pleasure speaking to you.

Sudden disruption of Aube’s communication services

((Monday morning edition PRINT ONLY))

Trying to look up the Aube crier online and not getting through? You are not the only one.

During the early morning hours, Aube Parish was struck by an almost complete disruption of communication. Concerned citizens noticed their land lines had ceased to work, internet and data plans followed a short time later as well as TV and radio.no-phone-call-300px

There is no official explanation for the current outages. Cell phones still work but service so close to the swamps has always been rather weak, these new developments certainly do not help. We have since received reports about problems with cell calls. You might find yourself talking to a loved one and suddenly your call is being interrupted by strange sounds, sobbing or crying most of what you will hear does not make a whole lot of sense. Unfortunately, some of these mixed up calls can be rather distressing and we urge the local population to remain calm while these issues are being looked into. The same goes for your TVs and radios. You may hear strange sounds in the static flashing but we are told this problem is being looked into

This outage also includes GPS signals, if you rely on your phone for directions we urge you to double-check where you are going, stay out of the swamps! It is very easy to get lost in there.

In situations like this rumors spread like wildfire please do not believe everything you are told, try to focus on the facts and let authorities and those equipped to deal with these problems handle them. Do not give in to panic, make rash decisions or try to leave. We will update this story as we learn more.

If you have additional information do not hesitate to contact Maya Mathieu ((laylah.yaseotoko)) at the Aube Crier.